Lethargy

Derek said something to me tonight on Twitter about how we're both living our big city lives and yet we end up sitting home alone on Friday and Saturday nights watching television. He doesn't really count; it's the first time he's been single in... five years or so, and I guess I don't really count because I'm just passing time until I move to Seattle and this long-distance relationship thing ends.

Speaking of television, though, I was at the Mississippi Ave. Street Festival today and one booth had tons of DVDs for only $5. They also had TV Show DVDs for incredibly cheap - seasons 1 and 2 of Weeds, for example, for only $15; I think they had Grey's Anatomy, they had a few South Parks, the first season of LOST - if I wasn't 100% broke I might have picked one up.

Here's something else I've been thinking about. What's the deal with love and relationships? I know it's a super-unique blog post topic, but I just realized something about watching three seasons or so of a TV show in a matter of weeks - people in TV shows get in relationships, and then the relationships end. Ugly Betty is what I just finished watching, so I'll use it as an example - Betty falls in love with Henry in season 1, and then is on and off with him in season 2, and falls in love with Gio, and then that ends, and then she falls in love with Matt and then on the season finale Matt breaks up with her. There's a lot of love and lot of breakups. But usually the relationships in TV shows are spread out over months. I witnessed Matt and Betty's entire relationship in a matter of days. It just makes it all seem so futile. I guess it's kind of getting me down. It's making me miss Lisa.

People on TV shows always talk about the relationships "working out," or about "the future," but you know from the start that they aren't going to get married, ever. Unless it's the series finale, Betty is never going to get married. It would completely alter the fabric of the show. Think about Sex and the City - the whole show is based around her relationships, and they all have to fail. You kind of root for them to work out, especially when it's a cool guy (Like Aidan... yes, I like that show). But like I was saying before, she can't get married unless it's the last episode (or the film, which I didn't actually see, but I assume she married Big and ended up "happily ever after"). It's like all TV relationships are doomed from the start. Depressing, right?

Anyway, I've been feeling really lethargic lately; I stay up late watching television and sleep in and waste time reading comics or watching YouTube or surfing Digg. And sometimes I'll go out, like today. But I feel like for the last few months I've just been waiting for the 4th of July to be over because then Lisa was going to be here. And now she isn't. And there are perfectly legitimate reasons for her not to be, and I understand, but it still sucks. I didn't realize that that was what I was waiting for. She said something that made me think, why did I move to Portland if I wanted to be with her so bad? Why didn't I move to Plano for a little while?

But I had to take a risk, and it sort of paid off. I feel like I've taken a lot of risks for this relationship. I have never really known what was going to happen or what the future would hold. I never worried about money and it's gotten me in some bad spots but it's given me some incredible times as well. I guess I feel that there should be more risk-taking in the world. Figure out the details later, you know? Get into debt for a little bit if it means being with the people you love for a little bit. If you believe in God or the Universe or Love or something then it will all eventually work out. Plus, we are of the lucky few who have safety nets in that our parents own homes and have enough income that we can always move home and pick up the pieces if our big risks end up breaking us down.

But what I really meant to say is that, after tonight, it's final that I will not be seeing Lisa until mid-to-late August. So waiting is over. I watched my TV shows; Ugly Betty, 30 Rock, Arrested Development - I don't have those to occupy my time anymore. I have some work I can do, I have a million cool events I can go to, I have some new friends I can hang out with. I have a guitar. And I have all the time in the world to WRITE. Why am I not writing in this every day? Why am I not writing stories, and songs, and ideas for screenplays, and essays? Is that not what I want to do with my life? Am I not a writing major? Well, as Lloyd Dobler would say, "My assault on the world begins now."